Q: Hi , Amy I've been dating a much much older woman than me. Its been actually a very long term relationship. Now that I am ready to move and actually am thinking about having children I'm confused on what to do. First I know I deeply care about her but when I think of what my family will say and other people will say about our relationship, I get nervous (I know its cowardly) but I cant help it. I would just like to know if you think , there is actually a future or I should just end the relationship, which is very hard almost impossible for me because I feel so guilty of leaving her by herself since she has no one close to her. If so what the best way to end it? Thanks - Dating Much Older women

Amy: Dear Dating Much Older Woman, My impression from your question is that you are starting to feel like there isn’t a future for this relationship but you have doubts about your courage to end it. I know you care about this woman and don’t want her to hurt, but her response to a break up is not under your control. It’s just not possible for you to make sure she is happy—her happiness is her own business and is due to her thoughts and reactions, not your actions. I understand that it may be difficult to end things if you feel like you are leaving her alone, but you’re focusing on just one piece of the puzzle and assuming that things won’t change for her. Maybe if the two of you break up she’ll make new friends and find people to be close to. It’s possible that she’s not doing those things now because she doesn’t feel like she has to, but if circumstances in her life changed she may end up happier than ever. You just never know what might happen so staying in this relationship for any reason other than that you really want to is taking a very risky bet that could hold you both back from happiness that you can’t even imagine right now.

Whether or not to move or have children are major life decisions. It’s totally understandable that you’d want to do what is best for yourself without feeling held back in any way. As hard as it may be, I’d really urge you to make decisions about the future you want independent of this relationship. Imagine your life 10, 20, and 30 years in the future. Without thinking about it too much, what do you see? Do you see children in the picture? Where are you living? Who is around you—what do they look like? Is it her?

There isn’t always a fool-proof way to know that you’re making the best decision about a relationship. You have to try to bypass your thoughts, beliefs, and fears, and focus on your emotions. What feels right? What future scenario makes you most happy? Those are good clues for you on what to do. If you do decide that this relationship has run its course, end it with the dignity and honesty it deserves. You wouldn’t want someone to stay with you out of pity or just so that you wouldn’t be alone, and she wouldn’t either. And like I said, you never know…when a door closes, a window always opens. You could be opening a window for her that she wouldn’t otherwise have.

Related Blogs (automatically generated)
Dating a younger guy - Concerns about future with him
How to build positive dating attitude and find someone special
Objection from his family and friends to our relationship