Q: Dear Amy, I had been with a girl for over two years and we were very passionately in love. We held hands we kissed and did all the normal things a couple in love should do. We always felt like we were meant to be with each other, but in February we split up thinking that maybe we needed a little break. Well now 9 months later she is talking about wanting to get back together and how she wants us to start over. I want that so much, but the problem is she doesn't know if she should be with me or another guy. I really want to be with her but I don't want to wait for her to make up her mind and watch her parade around knowing I'm in deep love with her. What should I do?

Amy: Dear Anonymous, I feel like there are a lot of missing details that could help me understand your situation. For example, you say that everything was great and you were in love…then why did you think you needed time apart? And you say that she is talking about wanting to start over, but she isn’t sure whether she wants to be with you or with someone else. Despite these question marks, the bottom line is that she’s seeing someone else but is telling you that she may actually want to be with you.

Whether you should wait for her to make up her mind, and for how long, is something only you can know. I find it somewhat curious that she was with you for over two years and you’ve been broken up for 9 months, and she’s still not sure if she wants to be with you or not. How do you feel about that? She obviously knows you very well and knows exactly what it’s like to be with you and what it’s like to be without you. It sounds like you are pretty certain that you want to be with her, so the two of you obviously aren’t on the same page. That doesn’t mean that you couldn’t rebuild your relationship over time if she decides that’s what she wants; but it’s important to keep in mind that as of right now, you want to be with her and she isn’t feeling the same way (at least not to the same extent). Especially since she also has feelings for someone else, I would be very careful to keep your expectations in check if she does decide to give you another shot. She’s going to need some time to get to the same place you are, emotionally.

Again, how long you wait for her to make up her mind has to be what feels right to you, but I hope this gives you a few things to consider. If you haven’t already, you should talk to her about what concerns she still has about your relationship and how she would envision things if you were to get back together. If you do decide to give her some time to choose between you and the other guy, go on with your own life as much as possible while you wait. You’ve been apart for 9 months already so you should be used to living without her.

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