Focus on making friends to improve dating scene
Q: Dear Amy, I am 19 years old and my last relationship didn't end too well, he left me for a "dancer". I work and am a full-time college student. I go out to concerts to try to meet new people and that doesn't work. Most of the people I know have a steady relationship and it gets tiring to listen to them talk about their relationships all the time. I recently met a guy and we flirted a lot but it turns out he has a girlfriend. I'm feeling like i have no luck in the dating scene. Can you give me any advice? - Ryann
Amy: Dear Ryann, I understand your frustration but I don’t know that you’re doing anything wrong. My advice might be annoying, but based on the information you provided in your question, I would tell you to keep getting out there and trying!
College is usually one of the easier times in life to meet people because you are surrounded by a lot of like-minded guys in your age range. Instead of focusing on finding your next boyfriend, try focusing on just getting to know as many new people as possible, men and women (you never know when the next girlfriend you meet could introduce you to someone). At work, in classes, at the concerts you go to, open yourself up to making friends instead of finding dates. Also, try at least one new thing each week. Go somewhere you wouldn’t normally go, try a new activity, look into new hobbies…this exercise will not only put you in front of a lot of new and interesting people, but it’s a great way to explore yourself and your interests at a time in your life when you’re making big decisions about your future.
I do understand that it can be frustrating when the people around you all seem to be in relationships and you aren’t. But trust me, you are young and your time will come as long as you are open to it. Be careful to not label yourself as someone who has a hard time in relationships. So your ex-boyfriend left you for a dancer…that says nothing about you and everything about him. Don’t let one person define who you are or how you want your love life to go. You get to decide your own path regardless of any of your experiences thus far. Decide how you want your life to look and go do things that are consistent with that picture.
Amy: Dear Ryann, I understand your frustration but I don’t know that you’re doing anything wrong. My advice might be annoying, but based on the information you provided in your question, I would tell you to keep getting out there and trying!
College is usually one of the easier times in life to meet people because you are surrounded by a lot of like-minded guys in your age range. Instead of focusing on finding your next boyfriend, try focusing on just getting to know as many new people as possible, men and women (you never know when the next girlfriend you meet could introduce you to someone). At work, in classes, at the concerts you go to, open yourself up to making friends instead of finding dates. Also, try at least one new thing each week. Go somewhere you wouldn’t normally go, try a new activity, look into new hobbies…this exercise will not only put you in front of a lot of new and interesting people, but it’s a great way to explore yourself and your interests at a time in your life when you’re making big decisions about your future.
I do understand that it can be frustrating when the people around you all seem to be in relationships and you aren’t. But trust me, you are young and your time will come as long as you are open to it. Be careful to not label yourself as someone who has a hard time in relationships. So your ex-boyfriend left you for a dancer…that says nothing about you and everything about him. Don’t let one person define who you are or how you want your love life to go. You get to decide your own path regardless of any of your experiences thus far. Decide how you want your life to look and go do things that are consistent with that picture.
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Dr Amy is a psychologist and certified life coach who helps clients via relationship coaching. Ask Amy for dating tips and relationship advice.
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