Q: Hi Dr Amy, My girl friend broke up with me last week. We dated for 3years. The reason for break up was that she has doubt if she wants to be with me. She is from South America and she missed her country and culture so she was sad for while and that is one reason for break up too. But we still talk on the phone and even went on a movie date after the break up like friends. I miss her so much and I want to get her back. Can you give me some tips on this? Thank you - Martin

Amy: Dear Anonymous, I’m sorry, I know that what you’re going through is very hard for you. It’s difficult to give you tips on how to get her back because it sounds like she has some real reasons for wanting to end things. You say she has doubts about whether she wants to be with you. Do you know more about this? This makes a big difference—if her doubts are about something you can help with, you may be able to work on things and make changes that she would be happy with. But if her doubts are about something you have no control over, you may need to just accept the way she feels and admit that it may be over.

Her homesickness sounds like a potentially big issue that you also can’t do much about. If she isn’t happy here or is considering going back to South America, hopefully she’ll do what she can to make herself happy again. You may be able to help, but only if she asks for your help.

I think the best you can do is to maintain your friendship and get to know as much as you can about what’s causing her to doubt your relationship. Respect her wishes for distance by not trying to get back together, but always be listening for any ways you may be able to support her through whatever she is going through. By being a good friend and showing her that she can count on you, you stand the best chance of her changing her mind. Even if she doesn’t change her mind, remember that things like this usually work out for the best in the end and you can rest assured knowing that you were a good friend to her when she needed it. Good luck.

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