Q: Dear Amy, I am 21 years old and my 19 year old girlfriend broke up with me. We were dating for 3 years, she lived with me this last year, and it's been 3 months that we've not been together. Now she lives with her best friend who influences her to drink and party every weekend now which she never did before. What's the best way to get her to love me again? She tells me she just wants to be friends now but she is not really wanting to talk or text because I always bring up the relationship and she says she has to go when I bring it up. She tells me to move on and have fun but then I twitter things like I'm going to the movies with friends and she always wants to know with who I go and what I do. But when it's the other way around she says it's none of my business. She tells my mom that she cares and worries about me but when she talks to me she acts completely opposite, like she can't stand me. Should I give her time? I don't want her to move on. Should I give up on this relationship?

Amy: Dear Anonymous, Your ex-girlfriend is telling you, verbally and by her actions, that she just wants to be friends. She is telling you to move on and she doesn't want to talk about the relationship. Even though she might like to know who you hang out with and what you do, that has nothing to do with whether she wants to date you or not. She may be a little jealous, which doesn't mean she wants to be your girlfriend again. Or asking about your activities could be her attempt to try to have a friendship with you. Either way, I think it's time to do as she suggests and try to move on.

I'm sorry--I know this isn't what you want to hear. She's been with you since she was 16, so she may just need to experience life without you for a while. That's likely what's behind her new party behavior as well. There really is nothing you can or should do about her drinking and partying. Unless you truly think she is in physical danger, you need to let her live her own life and have her own experiences, even if you see them as mistakes.

Do what you can to give her the space she's asking for and move on yourself when you feel ready. It gets easier with time, I promise.

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