Q: Hi Amy, I have been seeing my older brother's friend for about 2 weeks now. We hit it off at my birthday party and he got my number. He asked me out on a date a few days later and we went out that week. We had a great first date and both agreed we wanted to see each other again. We made plans for a second date, but the day arrived and he ended up canceling, saying his friend broke up with his girlfriend and wanted to hang out. This was the first mixed signal.

He ended up contacting me two days later and we went out the following day. We went to the movies and he held my hand throughout and after we went back to his house. Everything went great again. We didn't make plans for the next date, but I figured we would at some point. My brother's girlfriend knows him really well so she said to throw him a bone, because he has never been in a serious relationship and needs some encouragement. Usually I wouldn't initiate contact with a guy, but I thought it would be okay in this case. So I asked him what he was doing on Saturday night. He said he was going out with a friend from work. I told him I was going to a party and we exchanged texts for a little while. Then I asked him "Will I see you this week?" and he replied after 20 minutes saying "we will see what my schedule is like."

What does this all mean? I am leaving in about 2 weeks to do an internship in Vancouver and I will be gone for about 4 weeks. I am in my last semester in college, he graduated 3 years ago. - Paige

Amy: Dear Paige, It’s hard to know what’s going on with this guy without knowing him better or hearing it directly from him. Maybe he really is unsure of how to act since he hasn’t had a serious relationship, but since you opened the door for him I would think he’d be able to walk through on his own. Or maybe he changed his mind about things after your last date and doesn’t know how to tell you. I know it seems unlikely since the date went so well, but you never know what’s going on in the other person’s head. It could have nothing to do with you—maybe he decided he wasn’t ready to date someone right now, doesn’t want to date his friend’s sister, or any number of possible explanations.

You have a few options. You could be more direct and ask him out again, mentioning a specific day and time so that there is no ambiguity, and see what he says. Or you could ask him if he is still interested in dating and see how he responds. Let him know that you were confused by his reaction to your texts and you just want to know how he feels about things. Or, you could take his reaction to your texts as a sign that he isn’t interested and move on. With this option, you may never really know the truth, but if you’re okay with that and would prefer to just end things without needing to address it, this might be the best option for you.

At any rate, since you’re off to Vancouver for 4 weeks you might just let it go and see if anything picks up when you return. Good luck!

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