Q: Hi Amy, Over the past holidays a very close friend of mine and I got a little closer then planed. He never thought I would give him a chance ... I have had a crush on him for a while but was scared to say or do anything because of the fact that it could always go wrong and we would end up ruin or friendship. He had a girlfriend for about 5 years that did him wrong and they recently broke up. So yes he has a lot of issues in the trusting department , I can completely understand that. About a month ago he told me he wanted to try and make this work ... but now he keeps putting me into the category of his ex's like he didn't know what will happen a year from now or what I will do. He says he can't have anyone run in and out of his girls life. I love the girls, they are my world and I would never hurt them and he knows that. He sends me flowers and tell me he misses me and the next day he will ask me what I want. What should I do? - Nini

Amy: Dear Nini, If this guy has trust issues that have nothing to do with you, there may not be much you can do. You can talk to him about your intentions and reassure him that you’re in this for the right reasons. You can acknowledge that you don’t know what’s going to happen in the future but show him the ways that you are different from his past girlfriends. You can keep the communication open so that when he gets nervous, you’ll know and can help him through it. But none of these will help him feel better unless he is willing to work through his trust issues and is willing to trust you, at least a little.

Almost everyone brings past relationships into new relationships to some extent. This can be very hard on the new people we’re with, but our past is a part of who we are. I know it’s not an easy fix, but talking to him about his fears and being there for him if he chooses to work on his trust issues is about the best you can do. When he realizes that his ex-girlfriends have colored his current judgments as much as they have, he’ll hopefully decide to do what it takes to leave the past in the past. If he doesn’t or can’t, try not to take it personally. It really has to be something he is emotionally ready for and if he isn’t, it has nothing to do with you.

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