Q: Dear Dr Amy, I was with my girlfriend for 7 years and we had up's and down's like anyone but got through them. She is the girl of my dreams. The main problem in our relationship is it has been long distance for portions because I have been away working. Anyways, we went on a 6 month world trip, which was wonderful and came back talking about marriage and our lives. Unfortunately, due to the trip I was near 8 grand in debt, a recession had hit and there were no jobs, the only option I had was to work away for the summer.

She was fine with it at the time, but didn't want to come with, the first month things were good, then she stopped returning calls, texts, got her old job back and I started hearing lesser from her. I asked her one night what she wanted out of the relationship, said she needed a break and wanted to do her own thing to figure her life out for a bit. I'm 32, she is 27, since she told me that we haven't talked since really. I'm sure her reason was the long distance thing, however I am done with this job, out of debt and have thought about her every day since she told me she wanted to be alone. My question is, what should I do with my feelings? I can't stop thinking about her and would love to be with her again I don't know if I should tell her how I have felt or just let it go?...Any ideas?

Amy: Dear Anonymous, Yes, assuming it's been a while since your break up talk, you should try to contact her again and tell her how you feel. The worst she can do is not respond or tell you that she still needs time. At least then you'll know that it's more than the long distance factor and you can start the process of moving on yourself. On the other hand, the best that can happen is that the two of you end up back together. Telling her how you feel is definitely your best option.

What should you do with your feelings? Feel them. Don't try to suppress or change them, just know that grieving the loss of a relationship hurts sometimes and it's all normal. Don't try to control the outcome, try to have faith that things will work out for the best. There really is very little you can control anyway, trying to control more than you can just makes it hurt more. If she doesn't want to communicate or tells you still needs more time, take that as a sign to surrender and let her have her space. The faster you get to that point, the faster you start recovering yourself.

Most of all, don't blame yourself for anything you did or didn't do. It's so easy to say, "If only I had..." but the truth is, if she needed time to herself, she was going to need that no matter what you did. It may feel like the distance is what did you in, and maybe it contributed, but like you said, she chose not to go with you for the summer. She could have still taken your calls and tried to communicate better. We're all on our own path, sometimes our paths match up with others' and sometimes they don't. You didn't do anything wrong. Ask her for some time to talk to her about how you feel. I hope she chooses to give it to you.

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