Q: Hi Amy, I was dating a girl for 16 months and thing were great. I met her 2 summers ago. She lived in Pittsburgh at the time with her mom but her dad lived in the same town and I lived 3 hrs north of Pitt. Right away she had a crush on me and we started dating. We were both crazy about each other in no time. We were together for 2 months and she moved from to my town to live with her dad to be with me because we loved each other so much. She wanted me to get her a promise ring so I did. We were kind of talking about engagement and then a lot of stress came in her life and overwhelmed her and we started fighting a lot for like a month. then one night we were on the phone and she said she couldn't take it anymore she loved me more than anyone but her stress and us fighting was making her unhappy and she said she wanted time and space but was too confused and didn't know anything. She said she couldn't breakup with and I said maybe we should because I thought it would help her. So we broke up. she called me almost every night for two weeks after we broke and a couple times told me she loved me she just needed time. Its been 3 weeks now and the last week she hasn't tried to contact me much. I tried only a couple times. Please tell me what do you think I should do. - Danny

Amy: Dear Danny, As hard as it may be, I think you should continue to give her some time. I know it feels like a very long time, but three weeks isn’t that long, especially since you had quite a bit of communication for the first two weeks.

Since she is the one feeling stressed, allow her to call the shots. Let her know that you are there for her and that you really want her to get through her stressful time so that you can be together again. Then back off and let her initiate the communication when she feels ready for it. By telling her what you’re doing, she won’t think you don’t care anymore when you’re not contacting her.

If she is telling you that she still loves you and she just needs time, try to trust that she’s telling the truth. I don’t think it’s uncommon for people to need breaks, especially in a whirlwind romance that escalated quickly like yours did. For your own peace of mind during this time, stay focused on the fact that you will be together again and that it will be even better than it was before. She’s not only getting this time to go through what she needs to go through, but you’re both seeing that your relationship can make it through rough patches. Those are very good things for your relationship in the long run.

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