Q: Hi Amy, I am 18 years old and a senior in high school. I have dated the same guy for 2-1/2 years and he recently broke up with me. We were fighting a lot and things were not good but I was surprised when he broke up with me. He told me that he just wanted to be single and hang out with his guy friends and that he will always love me. One week later, he started hanging out with another girl at school who is totally opposite of me. He always told me how lucky he was to have a girl with high morals, didn't drink, smoke or do drugs. The girl he is hanging out with has no morals, big flirt, different guy every other day, drinks, smokes pot. I am absolutely shocked! He flaunts this girl in my face at school and takes her home from school everyday. I still care a lot about my ex and I don't know why he is acting this way? We don't talk to each other at all. We have 4 classes together and I catch him starring at me and he tries to find information out about me through friends. I really can't understand his behavior at all and going to school is really hard, especially watching him with another girl. He admitted to his friends that he was just using this girl to have some fun with til he goes away to college. It's like he's a totally different person from the guy I dated for 2-1/2 years. I honestly though we would get back together but now I don't know. I guess I'm just trying to understand his behavior? - Annie

Amy: Dear Annie, I completely understand how this situation feels shocking to you after 2 ½ years together, but it makes perfect sense to me. He’s doing exactly what he said he was going to do—being single and having fun with this girl before graduating. You and your ex are very young; after being in a long-term relationship for his entire dating life, he’s just trying to experience the other side of the coin.

I know you may not believe me when I say this, but his behavior has nothing to do with you and his relationship with this other girl does not compare his relationship with you at all. He spent two years with you because of the person you are—it sounds like you were exactly what he wanted in a girlfriend. The fact that he is with your polar opposite is a good indication that he isn’t interested in her in any serious way. He wants to see what it’s like to be with someone different and he may feel like this girl is a way to rebel after being a “good guy” in a committed relationship for so long. It doesn’t mean that he wasn’t happy with you, it just means that he’s 18 and has some life experience to go through before he’s ready to settle down with a decent person like yourself.

I wouldn’t count out getting back together because of this. Again, remember that this is just something he needs to go through and it has nothing to do with you or your relationship with him.

After he spends some time playing the field and getting to experience dating other people the two of you could get back together. But you have to let him do his thing first, and it would be great if you would date other people for a while to see what that’s like for yourself. It’s really hard when you are with someone who seems perfect for you when you are so young because you’re inevitably going to come up against this kind of scenario. I know you’re feeling hurt over this but try to just give it some time and space. Good luck.

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