Q: Dear Amy, please help me I'm really confused. I recently went out with this amazing woman on our 1st date. We had initially met online and had emailed and back and forth for about 3 weeks before this. As far as I'm aware, the date went really well because it lasted pretty much all day, from early afternoon until 10pm. And she was the one that suggested almost everything we did. 8 hours later at the end of the date I said that I had a great time and wanted to see her again and she seemed pleased at that.

I called her a day and a half later, leaving one message at one phone number and two hours later another message at another phone number, saying thank you and what a great time I had and suggesting we do it again. It's been two days and she hasn't called me back, or responded to me in any way.

I assume that if there was something that she didn't like about me, after having met me, she would probably have ended the date after that initial two hour coffee at the cafe and not kept suggesting the date go on and on. Would a girl really lead me on through an all day first date even if she knew she wasn't going to call me again after that?

Amy: Dear Anonymous, No, I don’t think she would lead you around town for 10+ hours knowing that she wasn’t going to call you again. But that’s not really your question, is it? It doesn’t really matter what she knew during your date—you want to know why she hasn’t called you now, after the date. First, it’s only been two days since you called her. By the time you see this advice—she’ll either have called you back or she won’t have, and by then it’ll be more meaningful than after just two days. I’m not going to say that maybe she’s busy, because even busy people can find the time to return a call within 48 hours. But maybe she is purposely waiting a little longer. Maybe she realizes that she called the shots on your date and she wants to make you sweat a little. I have no idea. But I would not read too much into two days. Seven or ten days, yes—two days, no.

Second, maybe she had a great time on your date but something changed for her in the interim. I used to feel this way often. A date would be pretty enjoyable but after a couple days of not seeing the guy, I’d start to evaluate how much fun it really was. Was I eager for him to call? Was I replaying the date in my mind? It may be no fault of yours at all, but maybe she just feels differently now.

Here’s the thing—I don’t really think I am helping you at all by proposing these possibilities (sorry for that). We could go back and forth forever about what “might” be going on in her head. In fact, that’s what the majority of readers questions want—for me to speculate about what’s in someone else’s head, something they can usually figure out by asking the other person or waiting it out. So instead of me planting possibilities in your head that will keep you up at night, let’s make a plan. If she doesn’t call you back within a couple more days, you try her again. Leave a message, tell her that you had a great time and you’d really like to see her again, make sure she has your contact info to get back to you, and then let it go. If she doesn’t respond to that, she just isn’t interested.

Q: Dear Amy, I haven't gone out on a date in close to a year now. I just met a guy recently whom I am definitely interested in and I don't want to screw it up. We broke some ice between us since we met already but we didn't actually go on our first date. We have talked on the phone only a couple times and in those few days he is already making gestures to go on future dates which I'm all for and I'm taking it as a good sign. Should I be as nervous as I feel? and what would be a good place to go on a first date besides the awkward dinner thing?

Amy: Dear Anonymous, I think you’re putting some unnecessary pressure on yourself and that’s contributing to your nerves. What are you making it mean that you haven’t been on a date in a year? It sounds like you have some beliefs around that such as, “I’m out of practice”, “I don’t remember how to date”, “I don’t know what to do”, and most of all, the one you mention, “I don’t want to screw it up”.

There isn’t a way to date and there is absolutely nothing you have to remember, know, or study. Think of a first date as no more than two people spending some time together to get to know each other. Although you may not have dated in a while, I’m sure you’ve gone out with friends, had conversations, and met new people. Think of this as the same thing. You aren’t alone in your way of thinking at all—I get a ton of questions about this, some from people who were married for 30 years and “don’t remember” how to date. If you can think about it as just getting to know a new person, that should take a lot of your nervousness away.

How could you possibly screw it up? Saying the wrong thing or acting a certain way? That implies that there is a right way to act, and there isn’t! So in reality, there is no way you could screw it up even if you wanted to.

Some of the pressure you’re putting on yourself might be because you like what you know if this guy so far. That’s great, but just be careful not to jump ahead of the game. Remember that you don’t really know him yet—that’s what the date (and subsequent dates) are for. Feel it out slowly before you decide that this is definitely someone you can see yourself with. Also remember that there are many more where he came from. Just because it’s been a while for you doesn’t mean that nice guys have to be few and far between. Think of this date as your re-entry into the dating world, not as your one chance after a long hiatus.

These ways of putting this date into perspective should help ease some of your nervousness, but you still might find yourself with butterflies on the big night. There are a few things you can remind yourself that can further help you deal with your nerves:

First, know that nervousness before a date is very normal for anyone, even people who date all the time. It doesn’t mean anything, it’s just your body reacting to something new and unfamiliar.

Second, know that your body can’t sustain physical anxiety all night. The symptoms will begin to fade as the date goes on. So the sweaty palms, racing heart, and other physical symptoms will run their course and eventually die down. You can look forward to that!

Third, you might consider telling him that you are a little nervous. When I first started speaking in front of large crowds I found that it really helped to just say up front “I’m a little nervous, so bear with me”. It almost immediately takes the edge off and you don’t have the added task of trying to hide your nervousness.

Again, a lot of the anxiety is coming from these underlying things you’re telling yourself about screwing things up, not having done this in a while, and wanting things to work out with this guy. If you can see through some of those false beliefs, you’ll be in a much better mental place. About what to do on the date…I like more active dates that give you things to talk about, such as going to a performance of some kind (not a movie, something you can talk throughout) or going for a walk somewhere with interesting scenery that might spark conversation. But if I were you, I’d let him plan this date. Wondering if what you chose to do is fun enough is one more worry you don’t need! Let him take you to dinner if that’s what he wants to do…next time, when you’re feeling more confident, you can plan the activities.

Q: Dear Amy, I went on a date with a guy. He invited me to expensive restaurant, then he made me pay half of the bill. I offered to be polite but it didn't work. What can i do to meet a gentleman guy, who treats women right? I was nervous and didn't know what to do. - Anonymous from Ventura, CA

Amy: Dear Anonymous, If I’m understanding your question correctly, you offered to pay half the bill because you were nervous, but you didn’t really want to split the check. And now you don’t like that he took you up on your offer. I’ve addressed a similar question before on paying for the date where I shared my own experience in this situation. I also offered to split the bill on a date once because I thought it was polite, but I didn’t really expect him to take me up on it (he asked me out, he picked the very expensive sushi restaurant AND he ordered a ton of sushi!). My date took me up on paying half (which was almost as much as my car payment at the time!) and I went on to think he was a jerk. As it turned out, he only let me pay half because he thought that would make me more comfortable. He later told me that he thought, “Why would she offer to pay if she didn’t want to?” Duh! After that, I never offered to pay half unless I was really happy to do so. If the guy asks you out and its one of your first dates, just let him pay. I know you were just nervous and I’m sure you’ve learned your lesson on this one!

I think there are a lot of guys out there willing to be gentlemen if you give them the chance. That said, you should do your part too. If he is the one asking you out and its early in your relationship, most guys are more than happy to pay. But in between dinners out and movie theaters, you can offer to make a few dinners or rent a movie for the two of you. That way you are courting him as much as he is courting you, but you can still feel like he is a gentleman.

I think guys who expect everything to be 50/50 are less common than you might think. Just don’t offer to pay when you don’t want to, reciprocate his generosity in other ways, and you’ll find the kind of guy you’re looking for.

Q: Dear Amy, I am a 20 year old college student who recently began talking to this girl on one of the social networks. We both went to the same high school but different year. We have been exchanging e-mail for the past 3 months. She has everything I look for in a girl. The problem in my past relationship is that I rush things and I am not trying to make the same mistake that I did before because I believe that she is "the one". I asked her for her number but she says that she doesn't give her number to people. I am trying to ask her out but i don't want to do it online, plus I don't want to rush things. I am scared that if i do not act quickly, then I will lose her. What should I do next?

Amy: Dear Anonymous, I'm a little confused about her not giving you her number after three months of talking. Something there just doesn't add up. Do you get the sense that she'll go out on a date with you if you ask? It seems to me like if she won't give you her phone number, she probably isn't ready to go out with you.

Do you have an indication that she is romantically interested in you? Do you know for sure that she doesn't have a boyfriend? I'm just trying to figure out why she would not so hesitant to take your friendship a little further by talking off-line. Does she live at home with her parents and it has something to do with that? Hopefully you have more insight into this than what you shared in your question. Otherwise, it sounds like she may either not be as interested as you are, or she may be hiding something.

I don't think three months is too soon at all, as long as you don't rush things. In other words, going on one date with no expectations of beginning a relationship right away (so the date is just a chance to get to know each other better) is totally reasonable at this stage in the game. I agree with you that if you like her, it's best to make some kind of move around this time rather than waiting any longer. I would tell her via email that you really like her and would like to take her out on a date. Tell her that you really didn't want to ask her through email, but that was obviously your only option. Then see how she reacts. I know it sounds risky to put yourself out there, but if you are emailing regularly I don't see things changing if you simply wait longer. Good luck!

Q: Hi Amy, I am 24 and have been single for nearly 3 years because i needed to take a break as my relationship began to become predictable. Now I feel like I don't understand guys at all. For example, I recently "met" this guy online and we had been talking for over a month and then started texting almost everyday. We finally met up this weekend. I ended up going over to his place to hang out. We watched a movie... in his room. He didn't want me to go home so i stayed and we cuddled, talked all night. He was all over me all night but I simply was not there to sleep with him but it's not like I didn't want to. I have strict rules about that. I didn't leave until 12pm the next day, we got along, I thought everything was good expect for when we went our separate ways. He thanked me for coming to see him took my hand and we kissed each other on each cheek. Then he said "good to meet you".

After consulting with people, it makes me wonder if by staying over and sleeping in his bed meant that I wanted to sleep with him? Is that what I was telling him? But then I was confusing him because I didn't end up doing it? I do enjoy his company, like everything that I've seen from him so the only thing bothering me at this point is not seeing him again. I have briefly talked to him through texting but its me texting him. Should I close this case? Or try to talk to him about it to see where he is at and where I may have gone wrong if I don't get the response back that I want?

Amy: Dear Anonymous, I'm with you--hearing, "good to meet you" instead of "when can I see you again" at the end of a date doesn't sound good. But assuming that you did something to cause that reaction isn't good either. Maybe he did expect sex and decided to move on when it didn't happen. If that's the case, his letting you go is actually a good thing for you. Or maybe the sparks just weren't there for him from the beginning but he still enjoyed hanging out with you for the night. At any rate, you didn't do anything wrong. I would definitely not assume that you did something to confuse him and hence ruin the chance at a relationship. I would chalk this one up to a practice run for you--getting back into the swing of things after a long time out of the dating world.

As you date more, you'll develop more confidence in yourself and you'll learn to question your own actions less. You'll also be reminded that people are not always predictable. Even when things seem to be going great for one person, they could feel completely different for the other. If you are up for it, it definitely can't hurt to try to talk to him and get some feedback. Especially since you are new to dating again, if he does give you honest feedback (and there are no guarantees on that) it could be helpful to you moving forward. So if you would feel better talking to him about it you should, but don't expect it to change anything about this particular situation. Just use your talk as feedback for the future.